Solve It or Get Over It: The Ruthless Kindness of Moving On

There’s a brutal kind of clarity that shows up when you’ve been stuck too long: in a thought loop, a past betrayal, a petty grievance, or the fantasy of how things should’ve been.

And somewhere between your 3rd mental rerun of the conversation and your 5th attempt to “understand it better,” a voice inside whispers something uncomfortably sharp:

Solve it. Or get over it.

This isn’t about emotional suppression or spiritual bypassing. It’s about recognizing when you’re no longer healing - you’re just rehearsing pain.

The Emotional Gymnastics We Perform

We like to believe that if we just think about something long enough, we’ll reach some final resolution. But some problems don’t need solving. They need letting go. The job that didn’t choose you. The person who ghosted. The apology that never came. Not every emotional wound is a puzzle. Some are just scars.

And yet, we keep picking at them, hoping the pain will offer insight. Sometimes it does. But more often, it just feeds the loop.

The truth is, most mental suffering comes from resisting a reality we can’t control - trying to force closure, fairness, or logic into places they don’t belong.

“Solve It” — When Action Is Available

If there’s something broken - a pattern, a habit, a relationship - and you can do something about it? Then be surgical. Don’t dance around it.

Have the awkward conversation. Change your routine. Apologize. Block. Leave. Rebuild. Request. Replace. Move.

Action ends anxiety.

Not always instantly, but reliably.

The real problem is, many of us confuse thinking about the problem with doing something about it. And the more emotionally intelligent you are, the more elegant your avoidance becomes — cloaked as introspection, empathy, nuance.

But deep down you know when you're stalling.

“Get Over It” — When It’s Outside Your Control

Now, if it’s not something you can change - and you’ve truly tried - the kindest thing you can do for yourself is this: Let it be.

You don’t have to heal it perfectly. You don’t have to extract a lesson. You just have to stop letting it live rent-free in your head.

Forgiveness isn’t about absolving the other person. It’s about reclaiming your bandwidth.

Letting go isn’t weakness. It’s wisdom. You’re saying: I choose my peace over the story of how I was wronged.

And that choice? That’s real power.

The In-Between: Grieving Without Gripping

Of course, not everything is binary. Some things can’t be solved yet. And they still hurt.

In those moments, you don’t need productivity or detachment. You need self-compassion - the willingness to feel without drowning in it. To grieve without gripping. To sit with discomfort, without romanticizing it.

But even grief has a half-life - if we don’t add mental rehearsals and shame to it.

So feel it. Write about it. Cry, maybe. Then, at some point, get back to your life.

Why This Mindset Matters

In an age where overthinking is branded as intelligence and emotional rumination as depth, it’s easy to forget: Mental clarity is mercy.

“Solve it or get over it” isn’t dismissive. It’s radical compassion for the version of you stuck in loops. It’s a permission slip to move forward - not because you’re heartless, but because you’re choosing aliveness over endless analysis.

And that, in itself, is a form of healing.